Today's business world is more competitive than ever. As the economy continues to struggle, competition for customers and sales is tight. If you're sure that you've been saying all the right things, but you still can't get ahead, author Sharon Sayler suggests you consider what you've really been saying – not just verbally, but nonverbally.
"Have you ever heard the expression, 'It's not what you're saying – it's how you're saying it'?" asks Sayler, author of “What Your Body Says (and how to master the message): Inspire, Influence, Build Trust and Create Lasting Business Relationships.” She continues, "Words are only a small part of communication. The most influential parts of communication are your nonverbals. And in an ideas-based economy like the one we have today, your ability to influence others and get them to really listen to you is what will set you apart from the majority in your industry."
Some of Sayler’s nonverbal dos and don'ts include:
Don't fill the air with um, ah, uh and you know. It’s natural to pause when you speak – it gives you a chance to breathe. What's not natural is to fill the silent pause with um, ah, uh, you know and other sounds. Verbal pauses are distracting and muddle what you are trying to say, because the audience sees you searching for the next words. Meaningless extra syllables or words make you look less intelligent. Your message will be more effective once you eliminate them. This may take practice.
"If you say a word and hang on it before you actually know what you're going to say next, it becomes a bridge word," says Sayler. "The ums, ahs, uhs, and you knows are warning signs that you need to breathe. When you run out of oxygen and your brain starts feeding unintelligible words to your mouth, stop talking and start breathing. Working to eliminate the verbal pause may feel uncomfortable at first. However, the number of times you use it will decrease the more you practice. Practice often means saying a verbal pause and noticing that you did it. If you catch yourself doing it less often, then you are making progress. Eventually, the silent pause will replace the verbal pause. Remember, you don't have to fill every minute of airtime with noise."
Do use hand gestures systematically. When we use only words to convey our message, we make it necessary for our audience to pay very close attention to what we say. Using gestures systematically, especially when giving directions or teaching, makes the audience less dependent on the verbal part of the presentation. The visual reminder created by gestures allows the listener two ways to remember: auditory and visual. It thereby increases the likelihood of accurate recall.
Don't cross your arms. This stance is most frequently understood to indicate upset or discomfort. In business, others often interpret it as, "I am not open to discussion," or, "I am annoyed."
"People habitually cross their arms over their chests when listening or waiting, so this gesture can be a hard one to overcome," notes Sayler. "Those who know us well may look at our arms across our chest and make nothing of it, thinking, Oh that's just what John does when he listens. Since the crossed-arms gesture is one of the most misinterpreted nonverbals, don't do it. Why give others the chance to misunderstand?"
